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pillars of mental healthiness


12-7 pillars.jpg

You will become like those who you hang around


This does go both ways, you want to find good people to hang around, you also need to ask yourself; ‘am I being a good person to hang around?’


Let me ask you some qualifying questions:


Who do you want to be like? 

Are you spending time with people that you aspire to be like? 

What are the traits and behaviors of the people you are spending tinow?

Would you be happy to be similar to them.


Whatever we are observing in others becomes our normal, here is an example:


When I was a 17 year old teenager I started Nordic cross country skiing. The skiing was cool the full body Lycra suits ski racers wore were not. This was before morph suits, it was like being naked with paint on, not ideal for a self conscious  17 year old. 

However after spending time with confident northern hemisphere athletes wistfully skiing along in a barely painted on form of nudity I decided to ditch the sweaty track pants and don my racing car red onesie.(Let me tell you the full story some time). This was my new normal.

You end up becoming like who you hang around.


And this is the great part, you can choose who you want to become by choosing who you spend time with.


Here are questions to consider to evaluate your current friend/ family group/community:


How do I feel after I hang out with these people?

What do we usually talk about? 

Do we talk people up or talk people down?

Do we challenge each other forward or hold each other back?

How would you describe the three main traits or characteristics of your friendship group? 


Look for attributes that you would want in friends: people who smile,who don’t criticise, are givers.


You may well need to be the catalyst, the change in your world. The best place to start is by hanging out with the successful and happy in life through podcasts and audio books. 


You can start the change in your friendship group with questions like:

‘If you could do anything, what would it be?’

‘What is the achievement that you are most proud of? ‘

What is something great happening in your life right now?

What do you like about that person?

On someone’s birthday, going around the group and saying what you love about them


Start the search for great community by talking to more people. Ask more questions of strangers and hunt for people with great hearts. 

You will become like who you hang around.


‘Sometimes me think, what is friend?’ and then me say ‘friend is someone to share last cookie with’ - Cookie Monster.

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