Be the Dad 11. Be the 'I love Mum' Dad
If your wife is like a flower then your love and attention are the rain and the sun that will cause her to bloom.
(and this is one of the greatest key's to good parenting)
A great relationship with her = A great family and life
When you create a strong loving connection with your Wife, you are creating a relationship that will go the distance, enduring hard times plus your day to day life will be 100% more happy and enjoyable. You want to focus this area of your life. Make it a priority. Do not look at poor or average relationships around you and accept that this is as good as it gets. You can still be in love and look forward to spending time together 10, 20 or 30 years into your relationship.
Plus your love will be the gold standard
You are a massive role-model in your children's lives. How you treat your wife or partner in front of your kids will be their education on how to treat woman and be treated themselves.
Complimenting, hugging and kissing, listening, encouraging, wrestling, helping …...all in front of the kids
I’m excited about how great your relationship can be and how this will affect your life happiness and be the cornerstone of a great family. Before I let you in on the tips that have changed my marriage let's look at what a healthy relationship looks like:
So what does a great and healthy relationship look like? The relationship standard to aim for:
Here is what a healthy relationship looks like. And if this relationship is healthy, then your family will be healthy. There will be less arguments, more peace, happiness and more love in the home. If you did nothing else in parenting but did these, I believe that you would be a long way towards succeeding! Your Kids throughout their adult lives will navigate toward what ‘normal’ was like growing up and if you have established the behaviours below as normal then you have done them a massive favour.
Connecting with her daily
Talking things over and coming to a mutual arrangement
Respecting each other.
Not trying to get one over the other.
Understanding each others needs and meeting these for each other.
Always finding ways to improve.
Finding a couple after 30 years of marriage who like spending time together and learn from them.
Forgiving and not holding onto past failures.
Not trying to make them more like you.
Not looking for a way out of the relationship but finding a way to make it better.
Playing the long game
Trying to out give the other person
Making this relationship a top priority.
So how do you create a great relationship? Here are my:
10 Tips that have changed my marriage.
Learn about the five love languages.
This is key, each person has 2 main ways that they feel love.
Quality time, gifts, acts of service, words of affirmation, touch,
If you find out how your partner feels love and do it, you will have great results!
When my wife and I started going together, I would heap positive words on her because that is what I loved, however I never seemed to get a result as great as my efforts. When we did the test, it turned out that she was ‘acts of service; and very low on words of affirmation. After being momentarily gutted at all my wasted effort I switched to acts of service and have reaped the rewards :)
Jump online and do the test together http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/couples/
Learn about the Love bank - how to build an affair proof marriage.
His Needs, Her needs; This book has changed our lives. You and your wife have a bank of love on the inside that gets built up when you do loving things and love money comes out when you disappoint or leave the toilet seat up.
Keep the love account high and have a happy loving relationship, neglect to put money in and things start falling to bits. The author talks about 5 top things for Men and Woman that produce great love input.
Check it out here: http://www.hisneedsherneeds.com/
Connection is the Key
When you go from proving your point and getting the other person to do what you want or be different, your relationship will improve dramatically. What is the key? Connection. Don’t try and resolve a disagreement if you are not connected. Connection says, ‘we can park this issue’ while we re-establish trust and love. This also causes a feeling of Harmony to reside in the house.
So how do you do that?
Look to understand where the person is coming from. Think of how much you love this person and then do one of the love languages to let them know that your relationship is bigger than the problem.
Let them have an emotion without trying to change them and not taking on that emotion yourself.
Tell them ‘hey, I love you, we can work on this later or tomorrow, we will work it out’
To learn all about connection check out: https://www.lovingonpurpose.com/kylo/
Understand each other’s strengths
This has been amazing for us. When you know and understand the key strengths of your partner you can work really well together and also understand what is going through their mind in particular situations. When my wife is asking ‘Why did I do that’ before I get annoyed, I will now stop and think ‘this is my Wife’s deliberative planning strength in effect’ trying to understand me and it helps me understand her. You find your strengths through jumping online and searching Gallop Strengths Finder and then take the $10 test which gives you your top 5. Its then worth looking at what these mean in your marriages. The next step is looking at getting a Gallops Strength coach which is more pricey but really beneficial.
When you stuff up, ask for forgiveness. ‘I’m sorry’ is so powerful. If you can do it on the day that it happened you and her will have a much better sleep that night. Be quick to forgive. Realise that everyone makes mistakes and also forget, don’t hold onto the hurts.
Disappointment and hurt usually come from unmet expectations. Communicate well, what’s going on in the day, what you are feeling and what you are expecting from the day and her. What is she expecting from you and can you/do you want to do those things?
Treat her like a Princess and get a Princess
Buy flowers, write notes, take her on dates, rub her back, listen to her and value her. There is a great movie called Stardust where a star falls to earth and is revealed as a woman. This star meets a guy and when he loves her, she starts glowing. When you pour love on your wife, she will start glowing. Even if you need to put reminders on your phone to remember to do things, do it!
Don't miss the moment
Live her World for a day.
I love the TV programme undercover bosses where the boss goes and takes a job somewhere in his company as a new employee in disguise. The boss experiences life from the employees point of view and this always leads to appreciation and change.
Do her day to get an appreciation of what she goes through everyday from start to end without her around if possible. This has caused me to make major changes in my day and has caused my appreciation for her to go through the roof. It’s hard pulling together tea, doing the homework around 5:00pm when all the kids are hungry and tired. Plus just to make sure you understand; fold the washing at 8:30pm at night when you feel like sitting down.
Let her be her
I love the saying, ‘when you get married you become one and over the next 10 years you try and figure out which one’. You married each other because you were different. Don’t try and make her like you or you lose all of the great differences that make you a more rounded couple. Your difference are usually the areas that you will clash over, so don’t look at the other as a problem but as your relationship as one great whole with complementary strengths.
Is there any plant more important to water in the garden? If this relationship fails, to a large degree your life fails. When you recognise this and spend the time and show love and service, the rest of your life will be better.
Of course It's still fine and healthy to play sports, hang with friends, watch TV, Game, just consider if this most important area in your life has received the attention she needs and deserves. You will spend the rest of your life with her, she is your best investment.
You are on the same team
It's not you vs her, it's you and her. Make it statement that you say to each other: ‘on the same team’. This constantly defines what we are doing and makes it us against the problem, not us vs each other.
So guys, pour out your love on her and watch your relationship and your Family blossom. Be the ‘I love Mum Dad’.