Be the Dad 4. Be the Life-Giving words Dad - Encourage your Family
The powerful Life giving words that you speak as a Dad to your kids and wife will create an amazing future for them of self belief and acceptance.
Words are amazing. If you can positively speak great words of encouragement and love to your family, including yourself, you will have a positive, confident and happy household.
‘Life and Death is in the power of your words, and those that love using words will see the power and benefit of them’ - King Solomon
‘You can do it’
‘I believe in you’
‘You are precious’
These powerful well timed statements spoken into the hearts of your family will create an internal engine of love and self belief that keeps running, even when you are not present. These words will become embedded in your families hearts and minds and they will hear these messages repeating over internally. They become words that will encourage forever.
Try reading this outloud now to experience the power of encouraging words:
'I am a great Dad, I have many great skills, I am one of a kind, I have an incredible mind, I have an incredible future and can do whatever I put my mind too.'
How do you feel now, words have power?
It’s not about what it is, it’s about what it can become - Dr Seuss
It's easy to look at someone and call them what they are in that moment; annoying, naughty, frustrating. But saying this is just backing up the behaviour with belief and will further ingrain the habit or attribute.
Anyone can state the obvious and be negative, but that will just give you more of what you are already getting. You need to arm yourself with the skills to be positive and change the future lives of your family.
So how do you harness your words to become creative and powerful?
Firstly realise that your words are powerful,
secondly, think of the messages that you want to speak, the future results you want to have and
thirdly put these words into action.
Check it out:
The following two stories are the examples of the power positive and negative words from a Dad to his kids.
The Negative Dad who got what he said
About 5 years ago I had a Dad come into the retail store that I work in, with his wife and two young daughters of 4 and 6. He was a fairly unhappy guy and when the mother asked the girls to come over, the Dad said ‘yeah come on you little sh*ts’. This is sometimes a backhanded term of affection, but not in this case. The girls came over, heads down, looking terribly unhappy. I felt so sad for the future of these girls. What this Dad thought about them was forming what they believed about themselves. And what he thought about himself was reflected in the words that came out of his mouth. I have never seen a more unhappy family, he was getting the result of what he was saying.
The boy who loved learning words (and receiving positive encouragement)
My son had just started school and was learning his early words. A list of about 15 words that help you to start reading. I had learnt with my daughters that you need to make it fun or it can turn negative for them very fast. So I decided to be completely over the top with my praise when he got one right. WOW! I would say in a loud voice and sit back with big eye’s “you know the word ‘am’!”. He would look at me like he had just discovered gold and then quickly turn back to trying the next one. WOW! I would say again for the next one and on down the list.
A couple of nights later, he came up to me in his pre-bed playtime with his first words list in hand and said ‘Dad can we do my list?’. We had already finished the list earlier and he now had time to go and play but, this was not about learning words, this was about receiving positive encouragement from his Dad.
Your voice will become what they believe about themselves in their hearts.
If you speak and repeat these positive messages many times, they will start echoing around their minds and hearts. When a situation comes up when they feel like giving up, or are being bullied or put down, the positive encouragement that you have given them day after day will come to their minds. ‘You are special, we love you, you can do it’. This will help them to reject these new negative thoughts or words and decide ‘No, I am special, I can do it’. Your words will become their thoughts and words.
If we want positive words to come out of our mouths, we need to get our minds thinking positively. Whatever we think inside is what we speak outside.
Here are two great ways to generate positive thoughts:
1/ ‘This is what I love about them’, create a list of each member of your family of the things that you love and appreciate about them. i.e ‘You have such a great imagination’. ‘You try hard’ etc
2/ ‘This is what I want and will encourage them to be even if they are not there yet’; ‘You are an incredible listener’. You may say ‘but they are not an incredible listener’. I have found that it does not take long speaking positive words like ‘you are a great listener’ before they start acting like a great listener.
Practical tips to think and speak powerfully and positively:
Start with yourself. What do you believe about yourself? Start thinking and speaking positive words into your own life and cut off speaking self degrading words.
Think and write down all of the things that you love and are great about your kids and partner.
Think and write down of all the things that you are thankful for about your kids.
Write down all of the traits that you want them to have.
Make it a discipline of speaking these life giving words into your family once a day. I love when I am tucking them into bed at night: ‘you are really precious, you have a great imagination, you have a great mind’.
Whenever a good thought pops into your head about someone, tell them on the spot.
Here is a list of general encouragement that you can give your family:
You: have an incredible mind
have a great imagination
are one of a kind
can do whatever you put your mind to
have an amazing future
Are a great part of our family
Are precious to us
I love your cuddles.
Here is what you can say to encourage your kids future behaviour:
You: are such a great listener
Are a great help to us
Are great at tidying up
Are a great friend maker
Make this family a great family
Can do whatever you put your mind too
Are really kind
Are a great giver
Push on and don’t give up
Are a great worker
If you want great results, speak great things. Be the ‘powerful life giving words’ Dad